A rant by: SOLMoFo

I hate waiting in line. No, I mean, I REALLY hate waiting in line. If I'm at the grocery store, I gladly toss unnecessary items (like my wife's birth control, my son's asthma inhaler, or my daughter's insulin) just so I can go to the express lane.
I remember once I was in a hospital with a broken clavicle:
"Excuse me, nurse, how many people ahead of me?"
"Uh... just three or four"
"Ow...ow...OWWW!!! OK, now I've also got a dismembered right testicle. How many people ahead of me now?"
I'm the kind of person who has a spare wheelchair in the car for my next trip to the Red River Ex, or even a parking spot in a pinch. I stand next to the microwave saying, "Come on... come on... slow POS!!!".
I also don't like coffee, so I really can't relate to the people I see lined up for blocks EVERY DAY in front of Tim's.
I've got an associate who gladly assigns his daily 1/2 hour break to waiting in line for Tim's coffee. I've told him of my concern for his sanity but he assures me:
"Tim's coffee is the best. All the other stuff is crap, man!"
"Dude, relax... coffee's coffee. What's wrong with Starbucks or even McDonalds?" After narrowly missing being tarred, feathered, and lynched by the entire staff, it was explained to me that,
"No, trust us... Tim's coffee tastes different."
Now, like any Canadian, I've been around a LOT of Tim's coffee. That smell makes me retch just as much as any other brand, so I've developed a theory on this one... The Canadian government exerted massive political pressure on the innate pacifist George Bush to force war on Afghanistan in order to secure shipments of enough heroin to assure a steady supply of Tim's coffee. If you look closely at the footage of 9/11, you'll see a Tim Hortons cup in the cockpit moments before impact with the Twin Towers.
I guess in a way I should be grateful. Everywhere I go in the city between 7 and 11 A.M., I know I won't have to wait in line, which makes me feel all warm and tingly inside (even a little aroused). But, for the love of god... WHY DO YOU PEOPLE DO IT?!?

- Coffeeless, Confused, and Concerned

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